thoughstream

my entire perspective has shifted; it had already started for the worse but now i guess it's turned around and getting better.. looking in from the outside i'm a student who came home from school for a month and is about to go back. looking out from the inside, i've been 200 places, around the world and back. i don't feel like myself but i don't feel like a stranger. half the time i feel like i'm stuck in a void but it's not the dark cloud overhang that i saw before. it's a different kind of fascination. i'm making changes so i don't feel like i'm going to jump off a bridge or crash my car any more and i've already gotten somewhere. i was ready to give away all my stuff and call it quits for no good reason at all but thank god for the one staple that held everything in place . ideas just get in but they're cycling through now. i'm changing as a person and i don't know who's holding the steering wheel but i am feeling ok. better. happy. hopefully it will uphold through school; maybe i will meet friends like me- i've come to realize that there is only one who sees me as who i truly am; the same staple that held the pile together, and i love him more than ever; i just hope i can find solace in meeting other people like me; the friends i have now know me, but they don't know me. i'm afraid of letting people know how i view things, maybe because i feel like nobody would give a shit, or maybe because i feel like they wouldn't get it. one thing i've noticed from moving out to a college campus is that people don't like differences. clone mentality reigns. i'm done for now