Sunday, January 23, 2011

like waking from a bad dream

i can't imagine where i'd be right now without my anchors. one in man form, the other in pill form.

i'm going to write this out now and then try to remember to get back and do this again in a couple of months.side effects, pill:
* nauseous-- nauseous at random, unexpected unpleasant surprise type stuff.
* headaches-- occasionally, more towards the beginning, less now
* tired-- it's basically a sedative. taking at night is much smarter than before dinner

stuff i'm not sure about
* mania. yesterday was a great day, had reason to be very happy all day into the night, but at one point felt like i was uncontrollably excited. wasn't strange at the time but thinking about it now, i couldn't have stopped laughing if i wanted to, it was like a rage almost- 2am felt like i could have gone out for a 5K PR after sleeping minimally the night before.. it wasn't me and it's been bugging me all day today; i've had nightmares recently about feeling out of control and that's the first time i actually felt it awake.
* panic/anxiety at night. hasn't happened recently but it's been 3x so far
* altered perspective- still will take getting used to. it's like waking up from a bad dream


good things
* happier
* better concentration- no more white noise- i may have said this before, but white noise --> black space; contemplative
* less stressed. no more going nuts over the smallest worries
* .....just better. feels more like a 3 than a 9

before/after

* panic attack/breakdown: 6-8x/week --> 1x/week
* crying: every day --> 3x since 1st full dose, 1/12/11



just a reference for the future. too tired to keep writing

No comments: