508

i'm doing something i don't entirely agree with. in fact, i used to completely oppose it. i felt like i needed something, and more importantly, somebody who isn't me, who knows more than i do, felt like i needed it. this. brings about some strange feelings, but there are two ways i am going to look at it:

1. you never know if something works until you try it
2. i will leave these 6 months more knowledgeable and able to talk to other people about it, should they need help

problems that remain:
-is this really the answer? i sat in a room with a woman for 45 minutes and got committed to 6 months of drug therapy
-i've become a number; one of the millions who rely on some pretty little pill to get by; something made by a select group of people; master puppeteers moving nearly lifeless souls ; i don't want it to be habit-forming but i already feel better. i don't want to need it but the doctor told me herself; if you stop, your body is going to crash; brutal withdrawal symptoms

so as you can see it's more of an ethical battle within myself; they want you to enter with the mentality of 'sit back and enjoy the ride,' but i know that even if the ride is beautiful and all its lights are distracting, they just pick it up and move it from city to city all year long, take your money and let you in for a good time.