feeling really good for a change :)

i thought it would go away

1221

i feel like the mist; occupying a certain space, but nowhere at once


and it's alright

rolling silently in space

the wheel that turns, moves.

life

i feel like the stresses of school strip me of personality and original thought and insight. i thought school was supposed to foster that.

but anyway, when i'm not feeling that heavy burden, i feel the appreciation and real love for the world and its beauty. this is the self i remember, before college :p

how opportune

Inner peace is revealed when the inner war ends

lost

things that help can only help so much. helping doesn't fix. i want to find balance. i feel like i do for moments at a time and then it's gone. in those moments i'm thinking of the present but not nothing else, and that's what the whole search is about. learning to find complete balance and happiness in the moment, every moment of the day. pushing the negatives out and letting positives in was the previous attempt but that brings nothing but fear and worry when perspective is regained. it's a workaround, not a solution; it's like putting all the weight on one side of the see-saw- it sends you straight up, as high as you can possibly be. pretty soon the weight slowly falls off the other side, until it's gone and you find yourself on the ground again- it hits just like the ground from up high. hard. i want to find happiness for every moment of the day. i want to be parallel to the ground, but above it. i want balance. i think i really might be afraid of it. what happens after? what happens after everything is ok? i used to be able to find happiness in the search. i used to be happy living in manipulation, watching people die, watching friends get sick. those events didn't make me happy- they made me miserable, but i could let go of it and find happiness somehow. now life is so much easier; everybody is healthy, i'm in love, things are going well; the summer was the best of my life but now i can't find the balance i once could. i can't hold onto what makes me happy. i know i've lost connection with a lot of people. i know school is hard. i'd just like to be good at something. i'd like some time to myself maybe once a day. like really to myself. no phone, no computer, no people. i'd really like to delete my facebook but i feel that might be unreasonable. i'd like to totally disconnect but that isn't reasonable either; i'll figure it out one day

ABC

awareness, balance, control