measuring the immeasurable <3

pieces

while trying to think clearly today i found that i couldn't; i'm no vegetable, i think all the time but everything comes and goes quickly, sometimes before i can even understand what's happening; this realization was paired with the newfound ability to understand aesop rock's music. i've always loved it, but until today never quite connected on a level beyond lyrical appreciation. i'd like to write more stuff down but it's often quickly lost- even dreams come and go without much interpretation beyond what might be subliminal, but who knows, right?

these past few days (the days where i have had a substantial amount of free time), i have rediscovered how nice it is to look at the world with the perspective of a visitor.

and also: how nice it is to think less; more dark open space and less fast white noise. this might come off sounding like it contradicts the first paragraph but upon closer examination it doesn't.



i'm out of things to say

limitations

expression, routine, and goals

steps

i'm devoting my life to making others feel better because i know the freedom in having peace of mind from feeling better paired with knowing what it looks like to see people get worse; the irony is in getting there--

waiting

this is about the time when i'd be packing my bags in anticipation of catching a bus to go see my other half. even though i will be here just a few days more, it doesn't stop me from missing him...

always

atcq

thank you

find the dotted line

independence / dependence: where's the line? still learning to find middleground

burdens

the last thing i want to do is bring anybody else down with me

labels

In the past week, two separate people in my life who spend a generous of time with me have independently come to the same conclusion about me, and have told me that what I do is I "figure things out." I wasn't going to post this the first time I heard it because I didn't understand it, and though I still may not, I'm just intrigued by either the remarkable coincidence or the potential insight as to what other people see in me.

I certainly don't figure everything out, seeing as I am no academic genius and actually struggling a lot with classes and grades. They might be implying that I figure out other people or ideas. I'd like to think that I figure people out pretty easily, but having no basis for comparison outside my own head this might not be right. I don't consider myself the best communicator, and don't often express what I'm thinking about unless I feel that it's important or relevant enough to whoever it is I am speaking to, as not to bore them or burden them with pointless shit.

One of the people who came to the conclusion of 'figuring out' has a nickname for me, and that is "The Funnel." This friend talks extensively about ideas and people and the world, and throughout our friendship I've gathered that information and consolidated it into a couple sentences to summarize his point, earning my title of The Funnel. But this doesn't explain how one of my supervisors at work has come to the same conclusion; I'm not too good at my job, though I have learned a lot, and in IT I am just as good as any other student employee at "figuring out" a tech issue that I've never been confronted with.

It must come from somewhere else, but I don't know where

new

i'm afraid of how good things are

you can't imagine how much fun we're having

You're supposed to set a new one after you achieve a goal
Accomplishments are just excuses to talk and spit
When you music stops, who will have a spot to sit?


waiting for an east coast tour...