six years down, six to go

I'm not 20 yet. but this is a generalization. the statement "I'm feeling like a kid again" is much more than a general, one size fits all kind of quote. this summer i honestly feel like i did when i was 13, before things started going wrong. i haven't had a bad life at all, but right around 13 my mindset changed, and i can honestly say that i was on the down for about 6 years. never would have been able to say it then, never would have been able to recognize it- but there's no way to explain how good i feel now other than to relate it to being a kid. continuing on the honesty track i do think that this comparison was made one day when my mind was too far gone but weeks later i can think about it with a sober mind and still relate; it's going to be a lot harder to leave for school this year than it was last year. this is by no means a one-sided issue, but i really would rather not list pros and cons for the sake of my sanity and any poor soul who's torturing themselves by reading this page. it's a strange place i'm in, it's a mix between damned if i do and damned if i don't, and a win-win. - i may go into detail in the future, i may not. this week isn't exactly conducive to being alone and thinking like the rest of the summer has been. but now that i made that comparison it's only healthy to explain

damned if i do, damned if i don't:

• i have a wonderful boyfriend at home who i am so happy with
• i am moving to boston, and he is not
  
• it will be almost impossible to see him for the first few months of school
• i have wonderful friends at home who will be living at home
• i'm standing on the shore watching a wave of stress close in
• d.town is a beautiful place, i feel like a kid here- but i am leaving
• my school doesn't attract the nicest or most welcoming people (508 reigns supreme in this matter; there's a severe lack of real at BU)
  

win-win:

• excellent academic program at school
• great friends in the city
• great job in the city
• exercise adulthood, find self in solitude
• see home as a reward
• step out of comfort zone, learn more about life / the world

you're free to make up your own mind on how i stand here

so that's what i've got. more later